In 2008, a sociologist decided to study Christian mens who reserved sex for marriage. After contacting, and integrating herself into, a group of Christian men, she interviewed them on a regular basis to understand their social structures and how they felt about sex both before and after marriage. You’ll never guess what she discovered.
First she discovered that these young men put a lot of pressure on themselves to keep themselves “sex free” until their married. In fact, they meet together on a regular basis to help one another stay pure, they don’t date in “normal” ways, and they generally marry young ladies from within a local social structure.
Second, she discovered that these young men treat sex as something “beastly” — something that is somehow horrible, or alien. While she learned that they mouth words about how they think sex is a wonderful thing in marriage, she uncovered how they really feel about sex, and it’s not pretty.
Finally, she discovered that these men lose their support groups, and their ability to “stay pure” after marriage. In fact, the married life of such young men is horrible, because they’ve been taught that sex is beastly all their lives, they’ve misunderstood about girls (who just want to have fun), and they’ve no-one to talk to about all the problems their life of sexlessness has created. These poor men are abandoned to a demon they don’t understand and that they don’t know how to control.
Well, as a certain someone used to say: Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!
I think I could have predicted this before this sociologist even began her study. As the old saying goes, “what you expect is — far too often — what you get.” The researcher gave away her bias in these words:
One of the men shared a revealing story. He was dating a woman from outside the church and she wanted to have sex with him. I asked him why they broke up, and he said that was the main reason. Not only did having premarital sex go against his beliefs—for him, it also indicated that she was in love with him, and he wasn’t yet in love with her. It couldn’t be that she just wanted to have sex with her boyfriend.
Do you get it yet? These people, these conservative Christians, are so odd that they can’t see that a girl might just want to have fun. They can’t see that sex is just something you do when you’re bored of doing other stuff, like listening to music together, or maybe playing beer pong. Sex, after all, is just a game, like any other — it has nothing to do with love.
Unless, of course, it does have something to do with love. And if you don’t understand the difference between “sex for fun,” and “sex for love,” then you’re just a fuddy duddy Christian dolt who can’t figure out what’s what in the world. You can’t even be know you’ll be happy with someone unless you’ve taken them around the block a couple of turns, right? After all, you wouldn’t buy a car until you’ve taken it for a test drive, right?
And buying a car isn’t any different than marrying someone, right? When you buy a car, after all, you’re just getting something that’s all about you — it’s your style, your look, the places you want to go, what makes you comfortable, what makes you proud, what says something about you, what makes you happy. Marriage should be just like that!
It’s not another human you’re marrying, it’s just, well… a car you’re buying. Wait, what was that again?
Don’t we even begin to listen to ourselves?
Outside the Box.
Have you ever thought about what this term really means? Just about everyone puts it on their resume, of course (I just checked mine, and I must have removed it recently, because I remember putting it there). And what is this box we’re so concerned about thinking “outside” of? As Mallard Filmore has it, we all “think outside the box” now, don’t we?
There is a subtle truth in this cartoon that reflects so much of our thinking as Christians. Let me illustrate for you just where you wind up if you think outside the box.
You end up inside the box of being outside the box. Sounds odd? Let me provide another illustration. A long time ago, I worked in a shop where there was a young man who bought everything no-one else was buying. If everyone bought a car, he bought a truck. If everyone bought a pickup truck, he bought a sport-utility. If everyone bought a Jeep, he bought an Amigo. When I asked him about this behavior, he explained that he was happiest when he was different. If someone had the same things he had, then he became unhappy, got rid of what he had, and bought something else. To be different.
Of course, what this is all a reaction to is the plain box world of the 1950′s, as imagined in the mind of a progressive. Back then, you see, everyone wore the same thing, did the same thing, lived in the same sort of house, drove the same sort of car, and thought the same thing.
Now we’re all “free thinkers.” In fact, we’re so free we all think alike — but we do so very freely, thank-you-very-much. See how far we’ve come?
You see, the box is the rules, and we’re supposed to think outside the box because, after all, rules stifle our creativity, our innovation, our fun, our… whatever. Well, you know how it is. The problem is it’s all a big lie — and it’s deeply reflected in our worldview, and even in our Christianity. “You can’t believe all of the Scriptures! That would be… Well, it would be…”
I’m not certain what it would be. Maybe smart? Maybe honest? Maybe faithful? Maybe…
Let me explode the myth. The box isn’t the place where creativity is stifled, it’s the place where creativity is learned; where innovation grows; where we prosper as humans. Yes, the box can be overdone — we can love the box for the sake of the box itself (we can love the rules for the sake of the rules themselves). The fact is, though, that we can be legalistic (and note, this is legalism) about any old set of rules.
In fact, we can even be legalistic about thinking outside the box.
You know what Jesus said about loving the rules for the sake of the rules themselves?
Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you tithe mint and dill and cumin, and have neglected the weightier matters of the law: justice and mercy and faithfulness. These you ought to have done, without neglecting the others. You blind guides, straining out a gnat and swallowing a camel! “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you clean the outside of the cup and the plate, but inside they are full of greed and self-indulgence. You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of the cup and the plate, that the outside also may be clean. “Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs, which outwardly appear beautiful, but within are full of dead people’s bones and all uncleanness. So you also outwardly appear righteous to others, but within you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. -Matthew 23:23-28
Do you notice a little patch of sarcasm here? Maybe just a little bitty bit? Nahh… Couldn’t be! That would be Jesus, God Himself, saying something that’s… Oh — out of the box? The only problem is God can’t say things that are out of the box because He is the box.
The truth is these boxes are a necessary foundation for relationships, and relationships are the necessary foundation for any sort of growth at all.
So stop trying to live outside the box, and start thinking about which box you’re really living in. Are you living in the box that’s outside the box, just to say, “I’m outside the box?” Or are you living inside the box to the fullest possible extent, so that you’re really… Outside the box?
Yum yum… My bookmarks need clearing out every Friday, and you get the leftovers — whether you like them or not.
The “correlation is not causation: fallacy explained in terms of global climate change. Of course, you’re not likely to hear about this on any sort of mainstream news media outlet because the researcher who’s uncovering the truth has, once again, been removed from the conversation.
The progressive narrative about how Obama and the current administration doesn’t really hate Israel has finally come to full fruition, and blown open at the seams. New wine, old skins, inevitable results.
Just so you know, the mantra is “of the people, by the people, for the people.” This, however, is the reality:
Masculinity is about dominance, and that’s a good thing.
If someone takes something from me, I’m going to grab it right back out of their cold, twisted, sick hands and say it is mine! You do not take what is mine! And I’m going to punch you in the face and push you in the dirt because this is the teachers’! These are our [...] [...]
The progressive left will tell you, worldwide, that conservatives are for big business, and liberals are for the “little guy.” They’ll tell you how much they care about you, because you’re an individual, while, “the right, you know, just cares about their buddies in the boardrooms.” If you pay attention, though, you can see right [...] [...]
You may have seen this video of Israeli Soldiers shooting a poor kid in the leg, and then laughing about it. Later images in the narrative include the kid in the hospital with his leg in a cast, and then discharge papers for the kid leaving the hospital. It all sounds watertight, right? An Israeli [...] [...]